Flashing Lights and Arcade Games
by Ivory-Bride
Summary: The Fellowship is whisked away to Earth, where they find a curious place called an “arcade.” They become quite addicted to the game Dance Dance Revolution… *funny slash* *stupid humor* I hope you laugh...


Title: Flashing Lights and Arcade Games: The Fellowship Plays DDR  
Author: Ivory Bride (rosebridejaya@yahoo.com  
Pairing(s): Sam/Frodo, Aragorn/Legolas  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: The Fellowship is whisked away to Earth, where they find a curious place called an "arcade." They become quite addicted to the game Dance Dance Revolution…   
Disclaimer: I don't own the lord of the Rings, or DDR. I wish I did… That'd be great…   
Authors Note: I chose the songs according to which ones reminded me of certain characters… Doesn't "Look to the Sky" remind you of elves?! It reminds me… Yep. Crazy idea, but I hope you like it. I'm very proud ^.^

It was another rainy day in Middle-Earth, and the Fellowship had absolutely nothing to do in their spare time. It was that awkward stage just after leaving Rivendell and before getting anywhere interesting, and although he said he knew where he was going, Gandalf had no clue where these "Misty Mountains" were.

            "Gandalf, with all due respect, do you know where you're taking us?" Boromir gathered the courage to ask the question that was sticking in everyone's mind. Gandalf just glared at him and pulled the rim of his pointed wizard's hat over his eyes.

            "Of course I do! A wizard always knows precisely where he is headed. Especially when the lives of others are in his hands." Boromir didn't look too convinced. 

            "So, where are these mountains?" he asked, skeptically.

            "Well, they're a bit further up…" Gandalf shifted his eyes and walked faster. "And then we go… *ahem* east…west…north *cough cough* southeast. Then we'll be there." Boromir raised an eyebrow.

            "What direction was that you said?"

            "Never mind! I know where I'm going, and that's all that matters!" The wizard gave a little prissy hair-flip and kept walking.

After an hour or two of walking in circles, the Fellowship came to a new sight! 

*insert audience's "Ooooooo" here* 

Well, at least they though it was a new sight. After all, it was blurry in the rain, and everyone was trudging along miserably with eyes cast down to their feet. They could have passed it before; just they hadn't seen it because of their infatuation with their dampening toes. Legolas, being an elf, should have seen it, but he was too busy deciding which color of toenail polish would compliment his eyes. Or flip-flops, whichever worked best.

But anyway, after an hour or two of walking in circles, the Fellowship came to a new sight! There was this really weird looking shiny mirror thing in the middle of a meadow. It sort of looked like a TV set, only it was reflective, and had no remote. Aragorn was the first to announce the incredibly obvious.

"Look! A shiny mirror thing in the middle of a meadow!" He ran up to it and gazed into its incredible reflection of himself. Legolas came up behind him, pushing the future king out of the way and fixing his hair in the reflection.

"Oh, damn. I knew I should have used Head and Shoulders."

The mirror did nothing but stand there in the rain and look important. After much poking and prodding, investigating, and fixing of hair, the Fellowship decided that it was useless. Merry sat down, exasperated, and poked it with a stick.

"It's not doing anything. It doesn't look dangerous, and it doesn't look helpful, so what's the point of it being here? It's just teasing us." As the rest of the Fellowship rested on the wet grass in the middle of the open meadow, (which is a very bad idea when hiding from enemies) Sam stood directly in front of the mirror, and cocked his head, examining it. He leaned in and squinted his eyes, looking for something that didn't seem to be there. After much investigating, and many funny looks from the others, he turned, proudly and revealed his discovery.

"There's writing on this thing! There are little scratches in the wood along the edges. I think they tell what to do with it…."

"Well, Sam what does it say?! Tell us!" the ever-oblivious Boromir ordered. Sam shuffled his feet and looked to the ground, embarrassed at his little skill in reading. He could only pick out a couple words. 

Of course, ever so cheerfully, Frodo came to the rescue. He would have been wearing a Superman cape, had the store not run out. But he was wearing his Superman boxers, and that was all that mattered. He walked to the mirror and put a hand on Sam's shoulder, to the excitement of slashers worldwide, and he smiled at Sam in that sweet little way, as Sam's eyes glittered into his, all teary-like.

"I'll read it Sam," he said, turning to the mirror and causing the slashers to "Aww." He squinted at the lightly etched words, reading and translating them from Elvish to the common tongue.

"It's a poem, in Elvish, and it reads…

_'Ye who enter dance like fools, _

_Ye who exit dance as kings.___

_But in the in-between of duels, _

_Flashing lights and arcade games,_

_Glitr'ing__ screens and wasted coins,_

_Make thee strut thy stuff- bling blings.'_

            Frodo was just as confused as the rest of them. What were these "flashing lights" and "arcade games?" And those mysterious words: "Bling blings" Was it 'bling bling' or multiple 'bling blings?' 

The ever confident Gimli stood to the mirror and looked it over again; searching for any clues that they may have missed. There didn't seem to be any clues at all, save the poem. 

"The poem here is the only true thing that tells us what it is, but it isn't too helpful." He put his hands on his hips and glared at the reflection. "Leave it be. It's not harming anything. We have to move on." The dwarf started walking past the mirror, expecting the others to follow, but they had all started examining the mirror once more, with renewed interest.

"Maybe there's a password," suggested Pippin. He raised his arms in the air, trying to look important, and shouted in a loud, clear voice, "OPEN SESAME!" The mirror began to respond to the words, glowing brightly as a hole opened in the middle, and grew wide enough to walk through. However, as soon as Pippin touched it, it shrunk back and grew dull once more. Faint laughing could be heard from the looking glass, and if it could, it would have blown a raspberry.

"Great job, Pippin. If you hadn't of touched it, we would be through right now." Merry complained.

"Oh, shut up." Pippin slumped back to the grass, slightly humiliated. The others continued searching for clues, but seeing as the mirror wasn't too large, there weren't many places to look. Suddenly, and without warning, Frodo gave one of those creepy facial expressions he does throughout the movie.

 *insert audience's screams here*

"I've got it!" he said. And with a flourish of singing doves and heavenly spotlights, he sang out, loud and clear, "BLING BLING!" There was a flash of light similar to the ones seen in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and the entire Fellowship was swept away into the shining abyss of the mirror. The rain disappeared, as did all of Middle Earth, and they woke up to a rather strange sight, unbeknownst to even the brightest of men. It was an arcade. 

"What the…fudge?" murmured Legolas; trying not to dirty his lips with such obscene words as those you want him to say.

The arcade glittered with neon lights and the tinkering of coins. There were people everywhere, eyes glazed as they stared at screens of shining colors. The Fellowship had been transported to the bowels of Earth. Not Middle Earth, or High Earth, or Low Earth, just Earth, and they were pretty gosh darned confused.

"Where are we?" asked Sam, turning to Gandalf. The wizard squinted his wizardly eyes and read a neon sign plastered above.

"Welcome to Earth."

"Where's Earth?" Sam asked. The sign immediately changed to meet his request.

"In space, stupid. Welcome to the arcade."

Still confused, the Fellowship looked around them. The "arcade" was noisy and filled with adolescent humans. The smell of the room was a mix of deodorant and sweat, but was not unpleasant, to the surprise of everyone there. The inhabitants of the arcade were dressed in funny clothes, mostly baggy pants and t-shirts. Large machines were set up in all corners and walls, and there were crowds of people at every one. 

In the middle of the room, one machine lay abandoned. People passed it with frightened eyes, offering it coins and animal sacrifices, but running away once it started playing music. Legolas was the first to gather courage and walk over to it. Heads turned as he passed, especially the heads of sparkly-eyed teenage girls, who purred when they saw him. He looked at the machine with furrowed brow and squinting eyes. As the others came up behind him, he asked himself,

"I wonder what it's for…" As he was about to reach out and touch the screen, a blonde girl with thick glasses and blue eyes tapped him on the shoulder.

"It's called Dance Dance Revolution. I could show you how to play, Legolas, lovely," she said, inserting a coin into a slot in the side of the machine. As the screen glowed and music came from the speakers, Aragorn snarled and flung her back. 

"Who do you think you're calling 'lovely?!" He pulled Legolas aside and held him, defensively, as Legolas grinned at the fight for his affections. Once again, a loud "Awwww" was heard from slashers everywhere, and Aragorn kissed Legolas while in the spotlight. The girl didn't seem to mind. She just Aww-ed with the rest of them.

"I knew it! I knew you were a couple! All my friends thought I was a freak for writing those fanfics, but I was right the whole time!" She grinned, then turned back to the screen.

"Sorry, Aragorn, I didn't mean anything by it. Anyway, here's how you play." She taped an arrow on the floor, and the screen reacted by turning through a wheel of songs. She chose one entitled "Secret Rendezvous" by Divas and she bravely braced the music as others watched in admiration. The song was rather bad, but was humorous, and had a strong beat to dance to. Arrows appeared on the screen, rising to the top, and the girl stepped on the corresponding arrow on the floor. Eyes glued to the screen, she began to sing along.

"We are secret lovers! Hope no one discovers!" The ears of millions began to shatter, but she simply continued dancing, not minding the screaming audience. Some, more patient people just held their hands over their ears, and watched her play. When the song was over, she got down from the platform and gave Legolas a handful of coins.

"Here you go guys. Have fun!" she kissed Legolas on the cheek and ran away before Aragorn could bash her head in with his shattered sword. Boromir turned to the others.

"It seems to be a type of dancing game. When the arrows reach the top, you press on them with your foot." He was the first to step on the platform. He took a coin from Legolas and put it in the slot, watching the screen light up once more. The song he chose was entitled "Jam and Marmalade" and had a funky, upbeat tone to it. He flailed, wildly, as those around him snickered and ducked before his arms hit their heads. 

"Argh! This is impossible!" he cried, as the screen turned black and told him "Failure." He stormed off the platform and stood in a corner, muttering to himself and glaring as people walked by, snickering. 

"He just doesn't have the natural grace of an elf," Legolas boasted, slipping a coin in the machine and handing the rest to Aragorn.

"Good luck, lovely!" Aragorn said, giving him a smile. "_Quel__ marth." He blew a kiss as the others rolled their eyes, exasperated, and the slashers cheered. Legolas smiled, and tossed his hair, turning back to the screen and selecting a song: "Look to the Sky."       The song had a heavy techno beat and very catchy lyrics. The sparkly-eyed teenage girls (and Aragorn, of course)  Ooo-ed and Ahh-ed at the blonde elf as he caught the beat of the song and gracefully jumped from foot to foot, catching every arrow as it appeared at the top of the screen. When he was done he gave a bow and waved to his fans, tossing his hair and grabbing Aragorn for a big smooch. The coos and giggles of slashers grew louder, nearly breaking everyone's eardrums. They were spared; however, as the lovers had to flee the arcade when a stampede of screaming fangirls ran to them, asking for autographs in books and on chests._

"Well, I hope they come back." Merry said, stepping onto the glowing platform. "But for now, do you want to give it a try, Pippin? I believe we can compete against each other." Pippin nodded, and stepped onto the second platform, with a challenge.

"I bet I'll beat you!" The hobbits searched through the mystical glowing wheel-o-music and chose the song "Sandstorm" by Darude, a rather popular club song with a catchy beat, sure to stick in your head for hours. The song started out slow and easy, causing many who were watching to whine and complain.

"Come on, this isn't a challenge!"

"Yeah! We want to see some dancing hobbits!" Merry grew angry rather quickly.

"Oh shut up! It's only just started!" The song grew faster, causing the nimble hobbits to jump from left to right, scrambling to keep up with the beat. The song ended with a freeze step, and the hobbits held it there and finished with a flourish. The results were posted. Pippin had gotten an A while Merry received the rather generous grade of D. He mumbled to himself as Pippin did a victory dance, and walked off to the corner to mope with Boromir. The remaining members of the Fellowship looked at each other. There were five remaining coins; one for each of them and Aragorn's, which had been abandoned as he fled the arcade. His distant screams could be heard coming from the Food Court. 

"Well," began Gimli, "If no one else is going to go, then I suppose I could try." Muffled laughter was heard from the audience and readers at the thought of a dwarf playing DDR. Gimli just glared at everyone around him, remembering what they told him in middle school about peer pressure. 

"I can do this," he said to himself, repeating it over and over, as a mantra to aid his poor self-esteem. He stepped on the platform and listened to each song clip carefully.

"Too peppy… too slow… too annoying… Aha!" He chose the song "Midnight Blaze," which was probably the last song anyone had expected him to choose. It was fast and had a hard beat, starting out with a short rap. The chorus was slightly reminiscent of a disco song. Gimli added to this by slipping in a few dance moves from Saturday Night Fever. When the song ended, everyone was too stunned to speak. Someone in the back of the crowd began the applause as Gimli's score came on screen: AAA. Who would have thought a dwarf was the disco king? He humbly stepped down from his throne, just as Aragorn and Legolas stumbled back into the room.

"What happened to you two?" asked Frodo, aiding the elf with his limp.

"We got… uh… attacked. A little. You know, autographs, attempted rape," he answered, pulling the pieces of his shirt back together. Aragorn nodded, struggling with his belt.

"Yeah, I came back to try out this dance thing, and to prove to Legolas that I am not the clubbing failure." Legolas laughed and pushed Aragorn towards the platform.

"Go on, then, prove it!" he paid the hungry machine a coin and gave Aragorn a pat on the back. "If you turn out to be good, I might take you to a rave with me." Frodo glanced at Gandalf, the know-it-all.

"They have raves in Middle Earth?" The wizard nodded, gravely.

"Sarumon used to hold some pretty mad parties." Frodo just shook his head, and turned back to Sam.

"So that's where Uncle Bilbo used to go on Saturday nights…" They shrugged and turned back to the glowing screen. Aragorn had chosen the song "Ecstasy" and waited for it to start. When it did, he stumbled over his feet and struggled to keep up. Every arrow he stepped on was hit a beat too late but, "Hey," shrugged the fangirls, at least he looked good doing it. 

The song kept up it's fast pace until it was half over, when the music stopped suddenly, causing Aragorn to screw up his already messed skills. He thwacked the machine, thinking it had broken, but he soon learned that it was just a part of the song. The music started up again, without warning. He stumbled even more off beat, but was miraculously able to get through the whole song without failing. The audience was quite confused, as he hadn't hit a single beat. Of course, everything came together when the machine refused to show his grade, instead reading in bright pink letters: "Nice Try, Sweet-cheeks" Legolas sighed and turned to his lover, sweetly but with a hint of jealousy.

"Well, _melamin, you may not have dance skills, but your good looks were able to pull you through that one," he remarked. Aragorn gave a grin and pulled Legolas into a dark corner to make out, as the fangirls searched for them, looking everywhere but in that corner. _

Gandalf sighed and shielded the eyes of Frodo and Sam, foolishly thinking that the two had never done _that _before. "Ha!" laughed the slashers. "Of course they have!"

Gandalf glared at the dirty lovers and their kinky noises from the corner, then turned back to the still-glowing screen. 

"Now lads, I'm not sure what this machine is here for, but I will try it out, just to make sure it isn't dangerous," he said, stepping on the platform.

"But Gandalf," protested Frodo, "Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Boromir, Aragorn, and Gimli have already tried it, and they're fine!" Gandalf turned to Frodo while choosing his song.

"Are they, Frodo? _Are they really?" Frodo cast his eyes to the ground._

"Well, I suppose they do act a bit strange sometimes… But they're always like that!" Gandalf refused to take this as a reason not to play. One will never know if he truly thought it dangerous or if he just really wanted to play DDR, but he stared at the screen with glazed eyes and a hint of admiration, so take your guess.

After he had run through the wheel of songs a couple times, people began getting bored and falling asleep at their spots on the floor, and in their lawn chairs. Of course everyone woke up as soon as he chose a song: "I Like to Move It."

Snickers were heard around the room at the thought of the gray wizard dancing to the Jamaican tune. However, many people held their tongues, for they had been proven wrong at the show Gimli had put on, rivaling the dance moves of John Travolta.

The song started up, and Gandalf tripped over his robes trying to catch the beat.

"Gandalf, sir, you may want to hold up your skirt a bit so that you don't fall over it…" the ever-so-helpful Sam suggested. Gandalf turned as soon as he hit the freeze step, and he smacked Sam with his trusty staff.

"It is NOT a skirt, Samwise. It's a robe." He turned back to the game, but took Sam's advice, pulling up his "robes." Frodo hugged Sam, brushing away his tears and thinking up a smart remark to get back at Gandalf for hurting his Samwise.

"Oh yeah, Mister Wizard? What was that you told me yesterday about your petticoats and miniskirts? Or what about that time you asked Sam to wash your linens separately so that they wouldn't tear? Or when you-" Gandalf cut him off, smacking Frodo with his staff and creating a lump on his head equal to Sam's. 

That defensive glare came into Sam's eyes as Frodo whimpered and rubbed his head, in pain. Everyone watching took a few steps back, as did the readers, for we all know of the rage Sam can get into when Frodo gets hurt.

The arcade became deathly silent as everyone stood back in fear. Frodo curled up on the floor, tears in his eyes, acting like the poor, sensitive, tortured hobbit he is. Sam grabbed Gandalf's staff and smacked him with it, causing the wizard to fly off the platform and hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. As you can see, it was quite a swing. Gandalf struggled to get up, with a newly broken leg, but Sam wasn't satisfied with the mere fracture. He was looking forward to something more like the "flesh wounds" in Monty Python. 

~~ Insert you preferred choice of wizard-beating here ~~ 

            After the reader-inserted smacking, thwacking, and rage, Gandalf pulled himself into the corner with Boromir and Merry to mope. They pouted and sulked together, in their exaggerated misery. 

            After the beating, the audience shied away from Sam, as he walked back to Frodo and pulled him into an embrace.

            "Are you alright, Mr. Frodo?" he asked, kissing the bump on Frodo's head.

            "I suppose so, Sam. Thank you, but… you didn't kill him, did you?" Sam shook his head.

            "No, sir. He has to lead us to the Misty Mountains, after all. I believe he's sulking in the corner," Sam replied guiltily, hiding his pride. Frodo smiled up at him, gratefully. They shared a cute little moment and the slashers cooed as they kissed, deeply. Afterwards, Frodo looked up at Sam with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

            "Sam, do you want to try your luck at DDR?" Sam blushed and looked at the revered machine. 

            "Well… I suppose I could give it a try," he said, walking to the platform. "I might be good at it."

            He turned through the list of songs; finally choosing one entitled "Ordinary World." The lyrics were catchy, and soon sent the audience singing along as Sam jumped to keep up with the beat. It wasn't too challenging, but he didn't have any experience in video games, or hopping around on metal platforms to the techno remixes of an old Duran Duran songs. Frodo watched, intently as Sam bit his lip, trying to hit the arrows. He wasn't too bad. He missed a couple, but who doesn't?

           When the song ended, the results were posted. Sam had received the average score of C. As he got off the platform, Frodo ran up to hug him, and the slashers cooed again, annoying the audience, and causing those who did not coo to roll their eyes.

            "Sam, you were wonderful! Really, you were!" Frodo cried. Gimli, who had been lost in the background for a bit, gave Sam a congratulatory pat on the back. The audience gaped in shock as they noticed his change of clothes. The dwarf was now wearing white bellbottoms and platforms, with a gold sequined shirt and heavy pendant hanging on a golden chain.

            "Nice try," he said. "But you'll never be as talented as I am. I am disco king." He walked away as his unworthy followers trailed behind, carting cash, gold, and sacrificial lambs. Sam and Frodo watched in shock as the dwarf was honored as the new king of the discotheque. 

Once they had shaken off their disbelief, they turned once more to the glowing screen of entertainment. There was one coin left. _One coin to rule them all, one coin to find them.__ One coin to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Frodo pushed it into the machine and watched as the screen lit up once more. The sight was familiar to him. He went directly to the song "Max 300" and moved the difficulty setting to "Maniac"_

"Um, Mr. Frodo, shouldn't you start with something a bit easier?" Sam asked with a worried tone. Frodo simply shook his head before starting the song and replied:

"Don't worry, Sam. I've played before. What did you think I did in Bag End alone all day? Read?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Well when we weren't making out in the bushes, I assumed that you were studying, like you usually do. I reckon that was a bit foolish. Why would you study when you can play DDR?" Frodo laughed and started the entertainment. 

The audience leaned in to watch as Frodo played the most difficult song in the game. The arrows rose to the top faster than the speed of light, and Frodo hit the beats, half-beats, eighth beats, and zillionth beats perfectly. Everyone cheered, as this was some very rare talent, especially for hobbits, who strangely enough don't have arcades or video games. Although they do have mad raves. 

Frodo was moving so fast that his feet seemed to be a blur, but he knew exactly what he was doing. He hit every arrow, and seemed to have even memorized the song, as he was humming to it, and was not even looking at the screen, although he did glance over every now and then, to check up on it.

The audience was amazed by his crazy hobbit dance skills. He almost even threatened Gimli's throne of the King of Dance. Of course, Gimli discoed, and Frodo was more of a club dancer. He probably knew how to breakdance, but everyone was too entranced by the game to ask him. 

As the last arrow rose to the top of the screen, Frodo hit it, and jumped off the platform with a flourish. There was an enormous applause as everyone nearby cheered, clapped, and hooted for Frodo's DDR skills. The entire audience rose to their feet for the standing ovation. One last "Awww" was heard from the slashers as their favorite hobbit couple hugged… again.

"Mr. Frodo, you were wonderful! Where did you learn to dance like that?!" Frodo smiled at Sam and the audience as everyone leaned in, intently, to hear the answer.

"Well Sam, practice makes perfect. And I've had a lot of practice." The audience Ooo-ed and Ahh-ed at the splendid, thought-provoking answer. Reporters jotted it down on scraps of paper for future articles, and journalism students copied them, following suite.

By this time, it was getting late, and many people had started walking out the door. Now that the Fellowship had run out of coins, there wasn't going to be much action anytime soon. As crowds of satisfied people trailed outside, the Fellowship sat and watched from the sidelines. Boromir, Merry, and Gandalf came out of their corner, having sulked enough for one day. Aragorn and Legolas came out from their corner on the opposite side of the room, smiling with flushed faces. It didn't take much of an imagination to guess what _they_ were doing. They got some apprehensive looks from the more conservative members of the crowd, and some smiles and giggles from the fangirls. Their companions had seen it all before, so they weren't too surprised.

"Umm… guys, how are we going to get back to Middle earth?" asked Merry. "I mean- it's been fun and all, but we do have to get on with the quest."

"Well usually, one would trace their steps backward to find their way from whence they came," answered Boromir. "But we didn't take any steps to get here in the first place, so…" he was interrupted by Gandalf, keeping up the know-it-all wizard attitude.

"That blasted mirror was the cause of all this. If we hadn't touched it, it wouldn't have brought us here in the first place."

Just as in the beginning, Sam walked to the mysterious contraption in front of them. He had found the poem in the mirror before, and was quite confident that he could find a way home through the DDR machine. Frodo came up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and helping with the clue-hunt.

"We don't have any more coins, you two. Give it up," muttered an exasperated Aragorn. He was still bitter about his own dancing failures. Sam shot him a look.

"We're looking for clues, sir. There must be something about this machine to get us back home."

"But the machine didn't get us here in the first place. It was the mirror," remarked Legolas. 

"Well where are we going to find a mirror?"

The entire Fellowship stood in silence for a bit before blinking and turning to the door they never thought they'd have to go through- the women's bathroom. There was sure to be a mirror or five in there. Some of Earth's more fancy public bathrooms offer such things as mints, and even lip gloss, so Legolas became quite excited. He was looking forward to expanding his collection of cherry-flavored chapstick.

The Fellowship approached the swinging door with hope and curiosity. They stood around it for a bit, but no one was brave enough to take the first step willingly. 

"Hey Pippin, you can go in first," Merry said, pushing the reluctant hobbit toward the door.

"No thank you, Merry. I'd rather not. Boromir, you can go in. You're the bravest." 

"No thank you, sir hobbit, Legolas can go in. He's the most feminine." Legolas flipped his hair and gave Boromir a glare before checking his shiny nails, priding himself in that air of femininity, but not wanting to fess up.

"Fine, then. I'll go. But only because I want to go home and this is the only way."

The elf pushed the door aside and took a deep breath. The first step wasn't so bad, and didn't bruise his self-esteem too much. He took another step, and another, and his companions followed behind him, looking around in the unfamiliar territory. A long, winding scream was let out by someone in the back, probably Aragorn, as he saw the pink walls, marble sinks, and ever-so-handy box of tampons. 

Most of the Fellowship went straight to the mirror to investigate, save Legolas, who was fixing his hair, and Pippin, who was busy wondering why they would sell napkins in a bathroom.

"Merry, what's the difference between a sanitary napkin and a non-sanitary napkin?" he asked in a low voice. Merry rolled his eyes at his naïve cousin.

"Pippin, I don't think they're _that kind of napkin," he said. Pippin gave him a questioning look, and Merry sighed, then leaned down and whispered something in the hobbit's ears. Pippin's eyes grew wide, and his mouth formed an "oh." He shuffled away from the looming tin container of maxi pads and lowered his eyes, meekly._

"I believe there may be another password…" Gandalf said after some thought. Pippin looked up, hoping to be of some use.

"And I don't think that it's "open sesame" continued the wizard. Pippin lowered his eyes once more, since all his ideas were defeated. 

The adventurers looked thoughtfully at the mirror.

"Maybe it's the same as before," suggested Frodo. He held up his arms and shouted. "Bling Bling!" The mirror reacted by shaking, lighting up, and then- blacking out. It had tricked them again, and this time it really did blow a raspberry. The friends slumped to the ground, ready to give up. Legolas continued pruning himself, Aragorn hummed a song in some language which they were all sure didn't exist, and Merry wondered why he knew so much about the female menstrual cycle. Sam was, once again, the only one still examining the mirror, and he was determined to find something.

"Umm… You guys, there's another poem," he said after looking around the mirror's edge. Frodo walked up to it to read the Elven words. Legolas would have, were he not too busy choosing a nail polish color for Aragorn, and Gandalf was too tired and annoyed to get up and show off his knowledge as he usually did. So Frodo read the poem, translating those clear, concise, Quenya letters.

"_Now you know the secret deep,_

_Of dancing moves and disco sheep.___

_Going back is not a curse,_

_But miss the game you may, or worse:_

_Get bad at raves, laughed at by kings,_

_And singing may not be your thing._

_But if going home be your true wish, _

_Then turn three times and say "Splish splish."_    

The words were deep and meaningful, and the companions had to think about it before reciting the magic words and going back to Middle-Earth. However, in the end, they decided that destroying the ring and therefore ridding the land of evil was more important than playing video games. It was a tough decision, but it was the right one.

"Gather round, my friends," announced Gandalf. "We are on our way to the Misty Mountains." The Fellowship of the Ring gathered around the mirror, and in a loud, clear voice, they recited together:

"Splish Splish!"

~~Insert Cheap Special Effect-Lightning Here~~

            BANG. In a flash of light, the companions tumbled to the ground, in the middle of the meadow, where they began. Everything was as it was before, save the mirror, which seemed to be missing. They stood up and brushed leaves and dirt off of their clothes. After looking around themselves for a bit, they noticed that someone seemed to be absent. Legolas broke the silence.

            "Where's Gimli?"

~~ At the Arcade ~~

            "Bow to me, for I am Disco King!" Gimli's booming voice rang over the heads of millions. They bowed as they were told, then burned their offerings of lamb, beef, and unworthy dancers. Gimli, Disco King, leaned back in his throne.

            "This is the life," he said, chewing a piece of meat from an overly large leg bone. "This _is_ the life."  

A/N: Yep. That's all from my twisted sense of humor. Hope you liked it! Please review! I'll love you forever if you do. Flames will be thrown in with the rest in Mordor, gotta keep the fires burning for the ringbearer. Yep. Thanks.

Elven translations:

_Quel__ marth- good luck_

_Melamin_- my love


End file.
